Krysta, thank you for your willingness to share your story. We all do the best we can with the information we have. I am glad you are loving on that sweet girl and I hope your road to loving yourself again is a short one. Best of luck to you.
My story starts a little different then a lot of the other moms.
I was told at 18 that I wouldnt have children without fertility medicine, so when we tried for a year after being married with fertility for 6 of those months I thought oh well lets adopt.
To our shock we found out 2 and a half months after giving up that we were expecting! Yay!! So i took full advantage of the “I am pregnant and feeding two.” I wish i would not have done that but i was so excited to be pregnant i was taking full advantage of no more dieting! Well because I did that i gained too much weight and ended up getting Gestational Diabetes. Way to go me! I was induced on february 10th. They said the baby was about 8 lbs and her head was on the larger side so they were inducing me a week earlier than planned.
I went in and had cervadil and started contracting on my own about an hour after I had it put in. Then I started contracting more frequently throughout the night and between that and my snoring husband, I maybe slept an hour total. The next morning at 6am they broke my water and gave me pitocin to speed things up since i was already contracting regularly. I wanted to try and wait out for an epidural and i am glad i got through 6 hours of labor with pitocin before actually getting one. I needed a little of the edge off so i could at least rest a little and try and get things moving. I got demoral around 10am.
Lets just say my family loved it because inbetween contractions I was singing and everything else. That wore off quicker than I thought it would. At noon i decided to just go ahead with the epi because after almost 24 hours of contracting i was exhausted and I was only at a four. I am not proud of getting an epi so soon but my body just was not doing what it needed to be because i was in pain and exhausted. I was also lucky enough to have a crazy baby and she was still constantly moving and we kept losing her heartbeat and I kept getting freaked out!
The anestesiologist(sp?) came in at 1:15 to give me my epi. Everything went fine for that until I layed down. When i layed down my blood pressure would go way high and then go way low. Then Emma’s heart rate would drop after every contraction and then she would move and we would lose the heartbeat. It was the scariest thing to hear the heartbeat of my baby drop to the 70s and disappear. The Doctor decided to put the internal monitors on me for 15 minutes and if things didnt stabilize I would be getting a c-section. this was at about 1:40…I finished getting my epi at 1:30. At 1:45 they decided they couldnt wait any longer because they could’nt stabilize my blood pressure or Emma’s heartbeat so I was rushed into the OR.
I feel lucky to remember everything from that OR. Unfortunately the epi started creeping into my chest so before they cut me open they had to tilt the bed and put more oxygen on and have me answer question the whole time while they were delivering Emma. She came out screaming her head off and still 16 months later does the same thing.. hehe. She was born at 2:02pm on the 11th. She was not even near 8lbs. She was 6lbs 6oz and 20 in long, not even in the +or- range given to me by the Dr.
I love her with my whole heart. I was released from the hospital less than 48 hours after my c-section because i forced myself to walk and ignore the pain. I only have a scar left now but i know that scar was the first part of my body touched by my little girl when she was born. Unfortunately i havent fully recovered to loving myself again. The scar and the stretchmarks have really put a damper on my attempt to love myself again. I understand why i have those and i would never want to not have the marks after what i got for them it just makes it difficult to have any confidence with them. Thank you for letting me share my story. Just telling the story again actually brings me a little more comfort.
By: Krysta Dennison